It was a noble attempt, this whole nablopomo thing. Would have been nobler if I'd had a stable internet connection, but whatever. I'm kinda done making excuses for this blog. My life is in such transition right now that making it here at all feels like enough.

I am exhausted and fighting and feeling like I am growing up all of a sudden here at thirty years old. Things it seems like b and I should have learned years ago are all of a sudden becoming very, very clear. I am a big fan of choices, and lately I have been making some big ones. I want to talk about them on here, but it's probably not right yet, and honestly I just don't have the energy. When I say "fighting" I mean it in the sense that I feel I am on one side of a big, transparent glass wall and everything that I want is on the other side - protected and in this whole other world. So I am banging and kicking and shouting like mad to break that glass and get in. Feels like a slow fire coming up and out and an inner drive like I've never quite had. And I'm scared, really, because its scary to start thinking in a new way sometimes, to start wanting new things and to actually do something to get them. I am afraid that this new path is taking me away from things I hold dear. On the other, less dreadfully pessemistic hand, change is always rough in some way - beginings are hard - and this new way of life, new recognized wants, new attitude may be able to coincide nicely with the inner core of me. I just have to get used to it, reconcile the skirmishes. I know, I know you are probably like what the heck could be so big and occupying? But really I can't even voice it, it would sound so stupid and I'm not even to full terms with it yet. Lets just say its all about the limits I had placed on myself up until now, what I thought I could do and could not do in this life - and what I want to do. Or more simply, we could just call it an extended post graduation freak out.

Anyway, all is not so shadowy and obtuse in my life. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for great wonderful family and a husband who rocks my world every single day. I had a root canal the other day and even though it sounds painful, it actually made me feel so so much better. It is amazing how much pain our bodies can eventually stop recognizing.

It has been snowing lightly here, for the past couple of days and I guess that makes it officially winter. I am thankful for the soft crunch under my feet as I go start my car so early every morning. If it has to be there, at least the snow is beautiful.

A whole bunch of random

It's hilarious how NaBloPoMo is happening at the time my life is lamest. I mean, my life is fine right now, really, just kind of boring. Nothing to write about every single day. But our Internet is back, and that means so am I, boring blog posts and all.

Mainly I am working right now. B and I decided to suck it up and work as much as we can in the next few months in order pay off some debt and save up for some...um.....something really exciting that will happen in the next 2 years that I can't really talk anymore about yet. There I go again, with the Lame. Yesterday I spent all my free time writing my profile on etsy, and then it all got erased instead of saved. I will make another valiant attempt today.

Oh! The other night I ran for the first time since my marathon! Let it be known from here on out, that I am a person who hates winter. And the really cold part of fall. I just hate the cold. And in my part of the world, it is getting dark now at about 5pm. So no more lovely warm evening runs with JenniferMarathon for me. Because of this, I have been forced back into the dreaded gym. Now, B and I have had a gym membership for the past 5 years. I hadn't been there since way before my marathon training began this last May. Why would I run in a stinky, stuffy gym on a treadmill, when I could run outside in the sunshine? We have really great trails here in my town - even the neighborhoods are great to run in. If I could circle how much I love to run outside, to show you, I would circle it three times, and then underline it a whole bunch, and then put six or seven stars next to it too. I love it that much.

But, like I said, the weather is crappy now and I had to go to the gym. So I went, and I ran on the treadmill. It was really hard not to fall off. But I ran a 10 minute mile, which is pretty fast for me. And then I ran a little slower. All in all, I only did 2.5 miles, but I guess my body was still a little sore over the marathon beating it took, because 2.5 left my legs all quivery. And now I am sore! I am just so glad to be out there again, though. It felt great and I want to keep it up so I can maintain my marathon shape. So I guess that means I'll be spending at least some of my nights at the gym, wiping my sweat off the equipment for the next person to use it. Dreaming of spring.

So....Thanksgiving is next week. That fact hit me yesterday as I was starring listlessly at the calender at work. Thanksgiving is next week and we are hosting it at our house - for the first time ever. All of B's family will be there, I think - which I am so excited for! However, now I have to get my crap together!!! Get organized!! Where are they going to sleep, what are we going to eat? Am I actually going to make a thanksgiving feast? Sigh.

However, I can't wait for the mashed potatoes.

In a rush

Our internet connection was out last night so I missed yesterdays post. Lack of internet is so frustrating!!!!!! It means I am behind on all sorts of things. Those things will have to wait - I must run off to work.

Rite of Passage?

So I guess I am now officially a blogger. With blogging responsibilities. I've been tagged by mr president!! For this meme, I must share seven random and/or weird facts about myself and then tag seven other bloggers to do the same. I don't think I know seven other bloggers, who haven't already been tagged - but I guess that's what this is all about right? Getting to know new people? So here goes....

1. Although I spend my days in comfy jeans, sweatshirts and my beat-up red keens, I have a secret longing to buy and wear a beautiful, elegant dress from either Banana Republic or Anthropologie. And maybe even some of their dress pants with a pair of sexy boots and a classy wool coat. It's my secret fashion life.
2. My absolute favorite thing to do at the end of the day is to take a super hot shower, curl up in bed with my husband and a big plate of fabulous food, and watch episode after episode of House. That's right, we eat in bed. It's probably one of the most unhealthy habits, but husband+food+House= pure love for me.
3. On the food note, I love cake. Some people -people who know me well, would probably go so far as to say I am obsessed with cake. And they would be right.
4. Apparently, I grind my teeth in my sleep.
5. I used to be an avid reader. In 2nd grade I won a contest at the Chicago Public library for reading the most books in a given period. I won 2 tickets to a Cubs game.
6. I love the smell of my dogs paws. Sometimes, when Maddie is lying down all unassuming like, I will grab her paw and spread the toes apart and smell all up in there. It smells so good, like Frito's.
7. I gag every single time I brush my teeth. But don't worry, I still brush.

So there you have it. Seven reasons to think I am a freak. And now I must go meet some people to tag.

As promised

So busy uploading, scrutinizing and labeling photos. Here is a sneek peek at one of my pendants. The etsy store is in progress!

In other news, we had a little visit from animal control tonight. It seems that one of our neighbors called to complain about our dogs barking during the day. When we are not home. Hmmm.....while I absolutely agree that incessant dog barking is madingly annoying, AND, while I also admit to having witnessed our dogs barking away more than once, I have to say I am a little put off by the complaint. Simply for the fact that we are surrounded by dogs. Neighbors on the left have 2 dogs. Neighbors on the right have 1. Neighbors in back have 1, possibly 2. Neighbors kitty corner have......you get picture. Our three mutts love to run up and down the fence and play bark with the 2 dogs living on our left. They ALL bark. So I am wondering if we (our dogs) were singled out. And if so, why? We obviously have to remedy the situation. Fortunately we have a decent sized dog run in the middle of our back yard, and we will have to leave them all in there while we are at work. While logically I know that it is big enough for all three dogs, I am a big sissie when it comes to my baby dogs and I get all sad, knowing that they won't be having the run of the backyard all day, being able to bark away with wild abandon. Sniff. But we don't want to be annoying to our neighbors, and mostly we don't want another complaint.

I do solomly swear...

I joined NaBloPoMo. In an effort to regulate myself. In essence I have committed to posting here once a day for the entire month of November. Obviously I am a little late, but what the heck.

Today I took pictures of my pendants - modeled by my lovely friend and co-worker Jordan. Also, I ate a cinnamon roll for breakfast.

If you want to know the real deal of what is going on over here today, here it is: I am sitting here not even really knowing what to type because how to differentiate all these different thoughts into ones I want to keep vs. ones I want to throw away? And it's hard anyway, to write those keepable thoughts. Hard not to overthink. I have been very negative lately. Negative about my job, my pursuits, everything really. And while I hold onto this thin thread - this idea I have of selling my pendants and turning Trained Monkey into something doable - I am bombarded by doubts and haunts and a lack of creativity, as of late. That is my state, today.

But the good news, is that I happen to know that how I feel, does not determine reality. Just because I feel uncreative, does not mean that I am uncreative. This is a temporary state that I am in. And really, who wouldn't expect a barrage of self doubt when embarking upon such an adventure? I could have gone to law school, or nursing school, or done something else that would have prepared me to have a more traditional career. And on days like today, I really kind of wish I had. But the reality is that I didn't. I have chosen to work a flexible job, for less money, so that I can spend my afternoons covered in resin dust, working out in my studio. I am choosing to pave this path because it is where my heart is, where my guts are. And if I fail........well, then, I guess I can always go to grad school later. For now, I have to try.

I am......

• super busy - working on the pendants like mad. Taking pics of them tomorrow and opening my etsy store by the end of this week (hopefully!)!!!!!!!!

• relishing this opportunity that I have - to sling coffee all morning and still have time to sink into my art at night.

• missing the walks/runs jennifermarathon and I used to take. When we were training. For a marathon.

• trying not to eat Beer and Cheddar Kettle chips for every meal.

• buzzing from the TWO soy lattes I drank this morning. Darn that free coffee.

• thankful for the sunny, sunny fall days we are having. The less winter gloom and doom, the better.

• obsessed with Bruce Springsteen.

The freakshow has left the building........momentarily.

Ahhh, feeling better now. Pretty much over my post-marathon freakout. Now it just pretty much feels surreal. Did it really happen? Apparently so, because here is a picture of it!

This is at about mile 16 or 17. B and his mom and dad were in the primo spectator spot and B stepped in to run with me for a mile or so. It was awesome to see them - mom and dad were snapping pics and running alongside to say hi. They were so excited and so supportive, it was a great pick-me-up and motivator. I was still feeling pretty great at this point, but within the next two miles, things got really hairy for Jennifer and I, and I'm glad I got to see B and his mom and dad when I did. The course was set up so that we ran miles 11-18ish down one side of the Great Highway, right along the Pacific ocean (if you look at the pic, the ocean is right over that little hill on the right side. Very beautiful), and then around Lake Merced for miles 19-21ish, and then back along the other side of the Great Highway (more beautiful ocean) for miles 22 - 26. It was great because B and his parents could basically stay in one general area and see me at mile 16 and also at the finish. Before the marathon I told B and his parents that I didn't need them to come, that I would be fine alone (I thought it would be really, really boring for them!). But in the actual experience, I was so, so glad that they were there. It was such an intense experience physically and mentally, and seeing them was a huge boost. Plus, there is no way I can accurately describe the energy of the situation, the beauty, the excitement -I am so glad they were there to experience it. Even if waiting around for me was pretty boring. They are great sports!

Anyway, that is some of my story. I had an amazing time. And now I am adjusting to life after training. I want to keep running, for sure. But now I have time to focus on other things in my life that I have been limping along for the last few months - mainly my art, and fixing up our old beautiful house. So next to come, are pictures of my pendants. And to make it fair, our house. For now, it is Saturday morning, and I am drinking a fantastic cup of Bolivian coffee and getting ready to do laundry. The sun is shining outside and melting the crackly frost from last night, and I am feeling peaceful. Hope you all have a fabulous Saturday.